Finally! Art actually does a relatively decent job of imitating life by portraying the "balancing act" that women perform everyday managing home and work -- whatever forms they come in!

As a busy mom with a busy business to run, I don't get much of a chance to watch television these days. Not that I'd want to if I could, but it sure is interesting to note that all of the shows I might watch if I had the time are shows that are making reasonable attempts to accurately reflect the lives of mothers like me all over the country.

Today's USA Today focuses on several of these shows:

~ Medium, featuring a wife and mother with two kids and a job as a psychic crime detective of sorts
~ Commander in Chief, featuring the first woman president of the United States, also a wife and mother
~ Desperate Housewives, with former stay at home wife and mother, now balancing a traditional 9 to 5 job

Regardless of whether the shows' content is appeealing, it's clear that the people responsible for creating shows' concepts, writing scripts and inventing characters are trying to reflect more realistic notions of what real life as a real mother is like. In the case of Desperate Housewives, the former at home mom went back to work because her husaband lost his job. The moms in the other two shows seem to have proactively chosen more traditional jobs even though they didn't have to. For example, if the character in Medium really is any good at catching criminals, surely she could open up her own home-based consulting business. And any woman who has what it takes to the president could operate a political lobbying or consulting enterprise out of a home office.

Whatever the case, it is invigorating and affirming to see that all facets of life as a mom are being explored on the small screen. And it shows that we have options. We can work wherever we want to -- inside or outside the home -- and have a family too. For me, because there are far more benefits to working from my home, the choice is a no-brainer. Even if the only benefit was saving myself two hours of rush hour traffic each day, I'd choose working from home any day to both provide for my family and create the life I love.

Mom, whoever you are, wherever you are and whomever you work for or with, I applaud you for being a renaissance woman who infuses pride, joy, passion and good old fashioned hard work into every day in an effort to provide a secure and nurturing environment for your family. What's your story? How do you balance work and home? Is it easier if you have your own business? Do any television shows resonate with you or reflect your life more accurately than past shows?

Posted by Donna Maria at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

(click photo for larger version)

Yesterday, my husband and I taped the Lifestyle CEO cable television show, and we did it with our kids at our sides. We waited until the last minute to secure our usual sitter and she was not available so we were stuck. At the eleventh hour, a next-door neighbor agreed to help us, but since she was too young to stay in our home alone with the children, we piled into the car and went to the studio to tape the show.

Seeing my children sitting just feet away from me as my husband and I taped our television show reminded me that we really are creating the life we love. We are not bowing to traditional notions of what parenting should be like. We are making up our lives as we go along, doing things we love to do on our own terms and including our children every step of the way. The whole experience reminded me that you can either make things in your life the way you want them to be, or you can allow the world to dictate how your life should be.

In other words, you can make it so the way things are is however you want them to be.

I'm not suggesting that you live as if nothing matters but your own reality. But I am suggesting that you can choose to create for yourself the kind of reality you want to live in on a daily basis. When I was growing up, the way things were was that mom and dad worked all day outside the home and then after dinner, my brother and I did our homework and went to bed. In some of my friends' households, dad worked all day outside the home, mom did lots of different things depending on the family's income level and other variables, and then after dinner my friends did their homework and went to bed. All of us were told to finish high school, go to college -- and then maybe graduate school -- prepare a resume and get a job so we could support ourselves.

But my parents were not raised that way. My father's father was one of the first African Americans to be licensed as a master plumber in Washington, DC. He endured discrimination of all kinds as he tried to provide for his family. But if someone's pipes broke, he was the most important person in the universe so he made a good living going on plumbing calls as they arose and spending the rest of his time at home with his family and doing other things he liked to do. My father learned simple plumbing tasks and one of his jobs as a youngster was to help his father in the family business.

My mother's parents were farmers in rural North Carolina. They owned thousands of acres and they made a good living selling cotton, tobacco, corn, tomatoes, green beans and cucumbers. They also generated income by renting farmland to other farmers. My mother and her siblings rose early in the morning to work the farm, eat breakfast and go to school. (Guess what I did during my summer vacations!) When they came home, there was more farm work followed by dinner and then off to bed. After getting up before the sun rose to pick cotton, everyone was exhausted after dinner. My grandfather designed and built the family home himself, along with the 3 barns that surrounded it, a chicken coop, a tobacco barn and an outhouse.

Somewhere between them and me, there was a thing called the Industrial Revolution and it tore a path of destruction right through the family unit. Suddenly, people could leave home and go to a "job" and work for someone else. You left home early to punch someone else's clock (in) instead of your own. Several hours later, you punched the same clock (out), ate dinner, watched the news, kicked it around with the kids for a few minutes and went to bed. Then you got up and did it all over again the next day. You saw your kids when you were exhausted, and then your spouse after that. No one in your family ever saw you work. No one in your family worked with you. There was a total separation between life and work. (Can you spell "d-i-v-o-r-c-e?")

As I started my career, I didn't think much about that. After all, it was the way things were. But as my life progressed and I started contemplating marriage and family, having such a huge schism between who I was personally and who I was professionally began to seem increasingly unnatural. I have spent the last decade of my life fusing my separate people back together again, and not a moment too soon. This is living!

While my husband and I were nervous about having our toddlers on the set, we soon saw that we were fretting over nothing. While our stress level spiked a bit, our kids were so excited to be involved in mommy and daddy's TV show. My daughter proudly wore her Lifestyle CEO t-shirt underneath her dress and put on way too much of my makeup. My son operated a television camera on his father's shoulder. We were doing what we loved, working together as a unit to take care of ourselves. Everyone was learning something. We were a team, supporting ourselves and having fun. Can you beat that?

My life resembles my grandparents' lives more than my parents' lives. I am so glad to live in an age where we as parents have the option to set up things the way we want them to be and not how society dictates that they should be. We can have children and still do what we love to do. We can nurse our infants while we email a client. We can fix PB&Js while we chat with a vendor on the phone.

We've gone Back To The Future, and we take our kids to work with us every day without leaving the house.

Posted by Donna Maria at 11:09 PM | Permalink

Aesop's fable tells the story of an woman who raised a variety of birds, ducks and geese. Because one of them laid golden eggs, she kept it housed in a yard of its own. Every morning, the woman could hardly wait to get up and get her golden egg for the day. One day, she decided to kill the goose and get all the golden eggs at one time. Imagine her surprise as she held her dead goose and found not a single golden egg inside. In her impatient haste to become rich, the woman had cooked her goose and destroyed a lucrative source of income.

Aesop's fable reminds us that the love of money is a destroyer of good. The woman was so greedy that she eliminated her one means of support in an impatient desire to have it all. Is your goose cooked? Are you microwaving it on "high" so you can get rich quick? Or are you slowly simmering it in the crock pot as your creative juices keep it moist, tender, ripe and flavorful?

Your business is like the woman's fabled goose. It can produce for you, but only if you treat it right. Don't expect your business to produce results that it is not capable of producing. For example, if you have a very small budget, no employees or contractors, no credit, no bank loan and very little time to manufacture the products you sell, don't start your business by offering tons of products. Instead, start by offering a small but cohesive and attractive line of products and grow from there.

My friend Ellie Trinowski of Moonshine Soap in Cleveland, Georgia is a good example of slow cooking her goose so it can continue to lay golden eggs. Ellie is married with a teen daughter. She started her business a few years ago with a few dollars, offering handmade soap in a few different fragrances. Even though other self-employed soap makers offered soap and other products like lotion, lip balm, bath salts and others, Ellie knew that one small goose cannot feed an entire consumer market. So she stuck to her soap, and she made it the best soap she could. She used molds that no one else was using so her soaps were shaped differently than everyone else's. She used high quality essential oils and no fragrance oils. Each bar was made with a high proportion of nutrient-rich shea butter and then wrapped by hand in a beautiful silk organza drawstring bag. She offers a special soap to celebrate each season of the year. Celebrating the current season is her "Indian Summer" bar made with made with lime, sandalwood, clove, nutmeg, ginger and patchouli oils.

As she grew her business, the popularity of Moonshine Soap increased. People wanted her soap not only because it cleaned their skin but also because it moisturized their skin. Moonshine Soap became the soap of choice for a growing number of people and eventually, the revenues climbed to the point where Ellie was able to make more soap in the same amount of time. This additional time made it possible for her to begin offering handmade soy candles and bathing accessories like pumice stones. More recently, Ellie began making her soaps using a higher quantity of certified organic ingredients. She has added a popular online newsletter, freelance magazine writing (which helps spread the word about her soaps) and speaking at small business events. Had Ellie tried to offer too many body care products at once as a small start up with little money and no help, her goose would have been cooked indeed!

So while going about the business of building your own corporate ladder, treat your goose well and your goose will treat you well. Don't cook your goose!

Posted by Donna Maria at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

When I became pregnant with my first child, I was blissfully unaware of the chaos that lay before me. By the time I became pregnant at age 38, I had enjoyed a professional career and was adept at handling one business crisis after another without much problem. Life had been a bowl of cherries and I expected that a baby would add the perfectly placed dollop of whipped cream on top.

Yeah, right!

After our first little bundle of joy was born, I enjoyed my cherries and cream for about 32 hours. After that, my organizational skills disappeared and it seemed I had left my ability to handle even the smallest challenge in the delivery room. I needed some help. And fast! But wait! My aging parents could not possibly help for more than a few hours at a time, and not very frequently. Oh! And had I not just made money somewhat scarce by quitting my job to launch an at-home business? (Whose idea was that again?!) What is a formerly efficient new mother to do? Eat ice cream, of course!

So one day I found myself at the local ice cream parlor drowning my disorganized sorrow in a scoop of butter brickle with caramel topping. I suddenly noticed all of the teenaged girls working there. (Had they always been here?) I asked the owner if he could recommend any of them to assist me with the daily chores of home management and caring for the most adorable baby in the universe. He pointed to a young lady and told me to ask her since her shift was about to start and he was not able to give her as many hours as she wanted.

Lindsey accepted my invitation to help out with our daughter, and it just got better because guess what? Lindsey had friends, and so the process has repeated itself a few times over and our Family Helpers are happy to earn money doing something besides working at the mall or a fast food joint. Their parents know they are safe and learning first-hand how challenging motherhood and home management really is.

Now, 4 years later, I have a thriving home business, two well-adjusted children under the age of 5 and a family that is not ruled by chaos -- at least not all the time. Oh sure, my kitchen counter is not always as tidy as it could be, but with my Family Helpers, I keep it from becoming piled as high as Mt. Everest with everything from magazines to draft copies of my latest writing projects. I hope you can use these 10 tips on finding and using Family Helpers to help you manage your home more effectively and efficiently.

1. Meet The Parents. Look for people who share your values and have instilled in their daughter a sense of responsibility. Let them know that you will provide a flexible arrangement that allows their daughter to prioritize her family and schoolwork.

2. Set Guidelines. While a formal job description is a bit much, everyone should agree on what is expected so you can stay on track and avoid misunderstandings.

3. Remember They Are Teens. Teens are notorious over sleepers. They often make commitments without writing them down and family obligations can arise at the last minute. This means there will be times when they will not be able to keep their commitment with you. Be ready to change your plans if necessary. Play an active role in teaching them about responsibility, and strike a balance between being firm being and being understanding.

4. Be A Mentor. My Family Helpers know that motherhood is not the Leave It To Beaver episode they watched on television. Help them see that while home management is infinitely rewarding, it is also a real job, requiring a level head and a great deal of sacrifice. Also, since most school programs do little to encourage entrepreneurship, if you have an at-home business, allow them to help out as a way of opening their minds to the possibility of starting their own businesses someday.

5. Pay Them Fairly. Family Helpers are your partners in success. Pay them according to age, experience and level of responsibility. Lindsey, now age 20, has been with us for 4 years and earns $10 an hour if she has both children, and $8 an hour if my husband or I are home with them. She takes them to the mall, the park or for ice cream, and we compensate her for gas. The 14-year old Family Helpers earn $3 to $5 per hour and are never with the kids on their own.

6. Encourage Your Children To Respect The Family Helper. If you have temporarily delegated some of your parenting responsibilities to a Family Helper, make sure your children understand that she is to be respected and obeyed. Just as they clean up after themselves when you ask them to, they should learn to comply when the Family Helper makes the same request.

7. Taxes. While every state is different, federal law requires that household employers pay federal employment taxes with respect to persons who are employed in the home. Check with your family tax professional to find out if this applies to your situation, or consult the IRS publication: Household Employer Tax Guide.

8. Insurance. If your Family Helper is in your home frequently, find out whether your household policy covers you if she is injured in your home. Also, if you are leaving the Family Helper at home with children, make sure she has a copy of your insurance card or related information in case of an emergency.

9. Make Them Feel Special. If your Family Helper does a good job, give her a gift certificate to her favorite store or send her an e-Thank You card. When our oldest Family Helper graduated from high school, we were there to cheer her on. We also wrote her first formal letter of recommendation so that it would be available for her to use for future job opportunities.

10. Have Fun! We sometimes take our Family Helpers on short vacations where they watch the kids for several hours in exchange for time at the vacation destination and a few meals. They are like a part of the family and we often have them and their parents over for dinners or other special occasions.

Do you have a Family Helper story? Has this encouraged you to find one? Come blog with me and let me know. Perhaps your experiences can help someone else too!

Posted by Donna Maria at 01:13 PM | Permalink