Help Is On The Way!
I recently enjoyed an email conversation with a mother of two in the western United States who is trying to start a new business. She wrote to ask if I had any kind of "help" to assist with managing business and home. She shared that her husband was not generous with his spare time in terms of being with their children so she could work on her business. To his credit, he suggested that he would engage a nanny a few days a week so she could get some work done. She was hesitant to do so "because I do not want my children to be dependent upon anyone but my husband and me." Her specific question to me: "How are you able to get so many things done?" I thought I'd share my answer with you since that is one of the questions I receive most often. (Get a cup of tea; it's a long one!)
I first want to acknowledge that every family dynamic is different. What works for one mom will not necessarily work for another mom. So I try never to say "you should do this," just because it worked for me. So please read the response with that in mind.
You are indeed blessed to be able to afford a nanny and if your husband suggests it, why not get one? Each family is different. Having said that, in my case, nannies (and what I now call "Family Helpers") saved my sanity, my business and my marriage. Like your husband, mine was not initially willing to give up his free time for my business either. Rather than fight that, I decided to figure out a way around it. For me, Family Helpers were and continue to be the answer.
I don't see my children depending on people we trust (besides ourselves) as a negative thing. I want my children to depend on us of course, but I also want them to depend on others and I want them to allow other people to depend on them as well. In life, I think you have to depend on other people sometimes and I think the best way to show when that's appropriate is to model it in my home. My kids actually think the Family Helpers are here for their own personal enjoyment, not to help mommy!
Delegation is a beautiful thing. If I have a Family Helper prepare a meal and entertain my children for an hour so I can work, I'm still taking care of my children. I have just delegated some of the care taking responsibilities temporarily to someone other than my husband or me. I'm still in the home and available if needed and I'm working in order to provide for them. To me, that's them depending on me. You may be familiar with a chapter of Scripture, Proverbs 31. The chapter describes the characteristics of a wise woman who is a mother, a home manager and a business owner. Verse 15 says "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." See? The Proverbs 31 woman had help in her home. Verses 16 and 18 say, "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earning she plants a vineyard." "She sees that her trading is profitable." The Proverbs 31 woman was a business woman. She knew she had to spend money in order to make money. Most importantly, she made a profit and then she invested it wisely. She couldn't do that without people to help her and the mention of "servants" (my "Family Helpers") I think is significant in that chapter.
If it was not for our Family Helpers (you can see pictures of two of them here), it would be very difficult for me to create the life I love. I'm not saying I wouldn't still be able to do it, but it would be far more challenging and far less enjoyable. The way I see it, if you have to wash clothes, why not have a washing machine? The job gets done and you still have some physical energy left over to enjoy what life has to offer. Our Family Helpers will be out in full force at the Lifestyle CEO Conference, doing everything from interacting with hotel staff to making sure everyone gets a Goodie Bag. Our children will be right next door in the licensed child care area, having a good time! It's a win/win situation for all of us. The Family Helpers earn money and enjoy hands-on job experience that they can put on their resume, plus we write recommendation and reference letters for them. That makes them and their parents happy. We get the benefit of labor which we might not otherwise be able to afford. Our children enjoy a day playing with each other and children of like-minded mothers in a safe environment while we are right next door and available in an emergency.
I think that we can be responsible mothers and home managers and still have other people helping, even in terms of being with the children. Our Family Helpers do lots of things in our home: fix lunches, give baths, comb hair, change diapers, even take the kids to the local shopping mall for ice cream and to play in the play area.
If you are a mom building your own corporate ladder, you need help. Help with business. Help with home. Help with kids. Help with you! I think this is such a critical issue that I address it in depth in my book in a chapter called "Family, Inc." Fortunately today, my husband and I have both grown to be great helps to each other and we are business partners now in some senses. That was a long time coming, but our commitment and persistence has finally paid off and we have scheduled times when he is with the children specifically so I can manage my business. You'll need help. Did I say that already? You'll need help. Oh? And did I mention you'll need help. Get some help. A few hours a week to start and see if you're comfortable. If not, then don't continue. But if you are trying to start a business use the help so you can do that. I think you'll be pleased with the results.
Was this answer helpful to you? How are you using help from friends and family to build your corporate ladder? What advice can you offer? What are your experiences getting help in the home so you can also manage your business? I'd love to hear from you, and help and encourage others too.
